An act of service is the physical expression of a thoughtful gesture. It is one of five love languages identified by Dr. Gary Chapman, emphasizing showing love through intentional and practical actions to make your partner’s life easier. Dr. Kelly Flanagan, clinical psychologist and author of Lovable: Embracing What is Truest About You So You Can Truly Embrace Your Life, explains how acts of service strengthen emotional bonds and adapt to different relationships.
An act of service is the physical expression of a thoughtful gesture. Photo: pexels.com, @rdne (modified by author)
Source: UGC
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Key takeaways
Acts of service are a love language that shows you care about one’s happiness through your actions.Examples include simple gestures such as cooking, organizing their schedule, planning, or arranging a weekend getaway.Personalizing acts of service is crucial—what feels meaningful to one person may differ from another.Thoughtful acts help build emotional bonds by showing intentional care and attention. Acts of service can apply to various relationships like romantic, familial, and friendships.
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Acts of service require understanding your partner’s needs and preferences and appreciating their love language, whether it involves picking up dry cleaning, grocery shopping, or performing other household chores. Identifying your love languages and those of your partner can be a great way to create meaningful connections between you. Below are examples of what different acts of service can look like.
What do acts of service mean?
There are five love languages, first introduced in 1992 by marriage counselor Dr Gary Chapman in his book The 5 Love Languages. They include words of affirmation, quality time, receiving gifts, acts of service, and physical touch. Each of these languages communicates and allows people to express love in their own unique way.
For people who love with acts of service, love is not felt as much with abstract words and intention as it is with visible action and follow-through. The acts of service in love language focus on showing your partner you care about their happiness through your actions, whether big or small.
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Acts of service examples
Not everyone communicates love in the same way, and likewise, people have different ways they prefer to receive love. If your partner’s love language is acts of service, they might feel most loved when you perform practical tasks for them. Below are some acts of service examples and ideas to help you show your partner just how much they mean to you.
Home and comfort acts
Performing these acts of service to your partner shows how much you care about them, how you appreciate them, and how you want to connect with them.
If your partner’s love language is acts of service, they might feel most loved when you perform practical tasks for them. Photo: pexels.com, @andres-ayrton
Source: UGCCooking a favorite meal for your partnerCleaning the house without being askedDoing the dishes after a mealMaking the bed each morningDecorating their room to personalize and uplift their spaceDoing the laundry and folding clothesVacuuming the entire houseDusting and polishing furnitureOrganizing the closet or pantrySetting up a home theatre for a cozy movie nightTaking out the trash regularlyRunning a warm bath for your partnerWatering plants and taking care of the gardenSetting up a cozy space with candles and musicFixing something broken around the houseMowing the lawn and maintaining the yardRestocking household items before they run outSetting up their favorite movie or show for a relaxing nightHandling the morning routine so they can sleep inCooking dinner or meal prepping for the weekHave dinner ready when they get homeDo their least favorite chore for themHelping with daily routinesWarming up their car on a cold morningPicking up groceries on the way homeDropping off or picking up dry cleaningPreparing their coffee or tea in the morningMaking sure their favorite snack is stocked
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Convenience and time-saving acts
Acts of service can be beneficial for every healthy relationship. Photo: pexels.com, @jasminecarter
Source: UGC
Even if your partner prefers another love language, these acts of service examples can be beneficial for every healthy relationship. They can save your partner time or make their life more convenient.
Running errands like grocery shoppingFilling up their gas tank or charging their carPlanning future events to save them timeTaking over some of the daily responsibilities when they are particularly busyAssisting with work or personal projectsPacking their lunch for workBooking tickets to their favorite concert or showHandling administrative tasks or appointmentsWalking the dog when they are busyDropping off or picking up the kids from schoolGetting the car serviced without being askedManaging appointments or errandsTaking care of home repairs that need attentionBooking travel arrangements for an upcoming tripOrganizing their documents or important papersSetting up their workspace with everything they needHandling tech issues or troubleshooting problemsOrganizing their schedule or plannerHelping with kids’ homework or bedtime routinesFilling up the gas tank before a long tripOffering to help with a project they are stressed aboutHelping them study or prepare for an important eventWalking the dog when they are too tiredReturn their overdue library books
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Health and well-being acts
Check out these examples of acts of service that show you care about your partner’s health and well-being.
Acts of service involve doing activities that make life easier or more enjoyable for the other person. Photo: pexels.com, @elsimage
Source: UGCPreparing healthy meals or snacksEncouraging exercise by planning a walk or workout togetherBooking a massage or spa appointmentBringing them water or tea while they workTaking care of them when they are sickMassaging their shoulders after a long dayRefilling their prescriptions or picking up medicineRunning a relaxing bath with essential oilsMake your significant other’s favorite dinnerPreparing their vitamins or medicationGetting up early to make them breakfastBooking a doctor’s appointment or making necessary callsBuying fresh flowers to brighten their dayOffer them a back rubTaking over their responsibilities when they are overwhelmedCreating a stress-free environment by taking over responsibilitiesListening actively when they need to talkHelping them meditate or practice mindfulnessOrganizing a wellness day with yoga or relaxation activitiesEncouraging good sleep by setting up a restful bedtime routinePlanning a healthy picnic in the parkBringing them a snack while they are working lateBringing them a warm blanket while they relaxWashing their favorite shirt so it’s ready to wearTaking care of dinner plans when they are tiredNurse them back to health when they are feeling sickSending flowers or a gift when they are feeling downPlanning a weekend getaway to relax and recharge
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Acts of service for special occasions
Special occasions such as birthdays and anniversaries present ideal opportunities to convey your love through acts of service. These are some thoughtful examples of acts of service for special occasions you can use to show your love for your partner.
Preparing a homemade meal for a loved one’s special day shows thoughtfulness and effort, making them feel cherished and valued. Photo: pexels.com, @cottonbro
Source: UGCPlanning a surprise date nightOrganizing a birthday party or celebrationSetting up a romantic dinner at homeDecorating the house for a holiday or special eventBuying and wrapping gifts for a special occasionArranging a weekend getawayOrganising a surprise gathering with their friendsArranging a special celebration for their birthday or anniversaryPreparing breakfast in bed on their birthday or anniversaryWriting a heartfelt note and leaving it somewhere specialBooking a reservation at their favorite restaurantCreating a photo album or memory bookMaking a playlist of their favorite songs for a road tripSurprising them with a day off and planning activitiesOrganizing a special family gatheringCreating a custom gift basket with their favorite itemsPlanning an outdoor adventure like hiking or campingSurprise them at work with their favorite coffee drinkLeaving a love note in their bag or carArranging a surprise date nightMake a special dessertSurprise them with their favorite treatSetting up their hobby space so they can enjoy itRunning a bath with candles and soothing music
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What are acts of service?
Acts of service involve doing activities that make life easier or more enjoyable for the other person, such as cleaning the house unprompted, washing their car, doing grocery shopping, and other household chores.
How acts of service strengthen emotional bonds
Dr. Kelly Flanagan, clinical psychologist and author of Lovable: Embracing What is Truest About You So You Can Truly Embrace Your Life, said in an interview that acts of service are one of the most profound ways to nurture emotional connections in relationships. He explains:
Compared to other mammals, we humans spend exponentially more time in a state of dependency before we reach maturity. Therefore, it is hardwired into us to treasure the ways we are cared for and protected along the way.
Acts of service have a special power to communicate to someone that you are thinking of them, paying attention to them, and supporting them. This will speak to something deep in their DNA, especially if their primary love language is acts of service. Love in this form can forge a bond as strong as the one between a parent and a child.
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Misconceptions about acts of service
Dr. Flanagan said one of these misconceptions is that not all acts of service are equal, which means that what one person values may not be significant to another. He explains:
When I work with couples, I have them interview each other about the acts of service that are of the highest value to them. For one spouse, it might be doing a load of laundry, whereas the other spouse may look forward to folding laundry while watching TV at the end of the day, and they would prefer someone go grocery shopping for them because the choices at the supermarket can be overwhelming.
Like any other love language, simply knowing the love language doesn’t mean you can bypass the necessity for connection and intimacy about the love language.
Adapting acts of service to relationship dynamics
Dr. Flanagan provides key insights for adapting acts of service that can be tailored to suit romantic, familial, and platonic relationships:
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In parent-child relationships: Acts of service often mimic the care provided during early childhood, creating natural and organic bonds. In romantic/other relationships: Balance is crucial. Dr. Flanagan warns against fostering dependency. He said:
It has been said that when you do someone a favor the first time, they are surprised by it; the next time, they appreciate it; the next time, they anticipate it; the next time, they expect it; and the next time, they depend upon it.
Be careful to mix up the acts of service you provide along the way, as well as being vocal about reciprocation of your love language. This will ensure the relationship remains mutual rather than dependent.
What is the difference between gift-giving and acts of service?
Gift-giving involves giving tangible items as tokens of love, focusing on the thought behind the gift. Acts of service involve doing helpful tasks for someone and showing love through actions rather than objects.
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How do you show acts of service in a long-distance relationship?
You can show acts of service in long-distance relationships by surprising your partner by arranging for groceries or meals to be delivered, helping with tasks like booking appointments or managing schedules, and offering emotional support through regular check-ins or listening when they need to talk.
What are the five love languages?
The five love languages as popularised by author Gary Chapman include:
Words of affirmation: Expressing love through spoken or written words of encouragement, appreciation, and affection.Acts of service: Showing love by doing helpful or thoughtful tasks to make someone’s life easier or more enjoyable.Receiving gifts: Giving or receiving thoughtful, meaningful gifts as a symbol of love and care.Quality time: Spending focused, undivided time together to build connection and intimacy.Physical touch: Expressing love through physical contact, such as hugging, holding hands, or cuddling.
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Do love languages apply to friendships?
According to Chapman, love languages don’t only apply to couples—the concept holds true for friends, siblings, parents and their children, and relationships of every kind.
These “acts of service examples” express love through practical help and support, making your partner feel valued and genuinely cared for in tangible ways.
Henzodaily.ng recently published an article about the best good night messages for him to make him smile. Sending your boyfriend or husband a romantic good night message shows that you care about his well-being and want him to have a peaceful evening after a tiresome day.
A sincere good night text is a way of expressing your affection and love towards your partner. Make it clear how much you appreciate his existence by wishing good things for him right before he sleeps.
Source: Henzodaily.ng