In the past one week, 2Baba and his wife Annie have been trending. 2baba in a now deleted post on Instagram had said they were separated and in the process of divorce. Those who have followed this column know that I am not an advocate of divorce. They also know that I scarcely focus on individual marriages and this has not changed.
Ironically, this is the second time I am writing about 2baba and Annie. In the first article two years ago, I reacted to an interview where 2Baba said on television before Annie that men’s penises have minds of their own and a man might not be in control of the actions of the penis. He also said that a man can have sex with a woman he is not emotionally attached to.
While I agreed that 2Baba was being frank with himself on sex, he should not generalize because there are monogamists who are faithful to their wives. He should also have been sensitive to the feelings of Annie and not said it in front of her.
I am not focusing on the current marital troubles of the duo per se because I am not in a position to do so. I don’t even know them personally and I don’t like writing on issues I know very little about. All I know about them is what I read or heard in the media. Their current marital troubles inspired me to write this article. I am only giving credit to whom it is due. That is the reason their names are in the headline . I already had another article for today, which I suspended.
Having been in marriage for over two decades, I have learnt a few things. One, too many cooks spoil the broth. In my book, Life Lessons from Mudipapa, I distinguished between interference and intervention in marriage. “Interference means, ‘to meddle,’ ‘to obstruct a process,’ ‘be a hindrance.’ Intervention, on the other hand, means ‘mediation.’” Intervention can be accepted in marriage, but couples should have zero tolerance for interference. These are the many cooks that spoil the broth, sorry mess your marriage and bring in complications from which many marriages never recover. Interference is the bane of many celebrity marital problems. Everybody: friends, fans, followers and fellow celebrities think they have a say in their marriages.
From what I have read so far, the “cooks” in 2Baba and Annie’s marriage partly created problems in their marriage. You have 2Baba’s fans who blame Annie for the troubled marriage. They see her as a green snake under the green grass. The social media, bloggers and YouTubers are all having a feast. Whose interest are they pursuing? Their personal interest. They just want to satisfy their subscribers, readers, grow their outfits and make money.
You also have friends and sympathisers of Annie who have declared war on 2Baba. Some have promised fire and brimstone. They want to use the unfortunate situation to trend and be in the news. They vowed to expose 2Baba. Music brought him fame, fortune and the celebrity status, not righteousness. Morally speaking, 2Baba is already on the ground. How do you want to bring down a man with many babymamas. He has probably lost count of the number of women he has slept with. He has never pretended to be a saint or innocent of the many sexual infractions attributed to him. His name is Innocent, but he is by no means innocent where women are concerned. And you cannot hold that against him because he did not give himself that name. Go and hold his parents or whoever gave him that name that if you feel it is ironic for him to answer that name, Innocent.
During my youth service in Port Harcourt in the late 80s, there was this guy called Fineboy. He was anything but fine. I was younger and less sensitive then. I couldn’t resist the urge to ask him the person who gave him the name. He took it lightly and said his father did. I was tempted to ask further if his father was drunk when he gave him that name. But how will he know? He was a newborn. I have also met women who answer the name, Queen. I always wondered whether if that was the year the late Queen Elizabeth visited Nigeria or she did something remarkable the year these women were born because I can’t find any correlation between the name and the looks. So leave 2Baba alone with the name Innocent. He is. He didn’t commit murder.
Some people take sides with 2Baba or Annie as being responsible for the breakup of the marriage. I have used this Urhobo word many times: Uwevwirohwofabeno. It is very difficult to understand the inner workings of another person’s house. Do you live with them? When they go into the bedroom, do you go with them? You blame 2Baba because you are close to Annie. Your opinion is tainted by what Annie told you. You call Annie Jezebel because you are close to 2Baba. Besides what 2Baba told you, what do you know about Annie? Sometimes, even the children of the couple only know in part. The teenage daughter of the couple said this: “They (people commenting about the impending divorce of her parents) will never actually know the actual true story or the actual true background of anything that has ever happened in my family.” Even she only knows in part because she does not follow her parents into the bedroom.
Marriage is mysterious. If you are involved in marriage counselling, you know what I am talking about. There is a couple who broke up. The husband was regarded as the bad guy. Even his siblings and family admit it. The husband readily acknowledged his imperfection, but he loved his wife and didn’t want the marriage to break up. We brought them together in an effort to salvage the marriage, but the wife stood her ground: She wanted out. When the husband saw the breakup was inevitable, he opened up and made revelations about the wife. We were thinking the wife would deny and fly into a rage, but shockingly, she bowed her head and went mute. We were stunned. Some of us would not have tolerated the revelations the husband was making about the wife.
Before you start talking about people’s marriages, remember that uwevwirohwofabeno. What I have found out over the years is, talk to both parties separately. Then bring them together. During the encounter together, you will know where the truth lies. It’s easy for a trained mind. But at the end, who is wrong and who is right is not the most important thing. Peace in the family is. It’s just that it is very difficult to build peace on a false foundation.
Those fighting for or against 2Baba and Annie should priortise the interest of the couple and their children. Divorce is often time tougher on the children than the players. I know they are celebrities, but respect their privacy. They need it. 2Baba and Annie should also stop providing the media, friends, fans, supporters, etc., with fuel. That is what they do when they grant interviews or make posts on their social media platforms. If divorce is what they want, so be it, but they can remain civil and courteous. Shaming does them or their children no good.
Two reminders for all of us. You marry wholesale (good, bad and ugly behaviors), not cherry picking. Also, marriage is not an institution where you change spouses. You change your mindset to get along with your spouse. If on his/her own, your spouse changes for the better, that is a bonus not entitlement. So shine your eyes before you say “I do.”